Tombstone

How do you write a tombstone for a friendship? I've had my share of falling outs, and they're never easy. You can never find the right words. The ones you have are either too long or too short, and never quite carry the meaning you want to convey. Still, you want to say something. Isn't that the human condition? We can't stand silence, so we strain at clumsy words.

This is an older piece that I thought I'd put on here, as I've run out of my backlog. It's something personal and from the heart. Losing a friend is never easy, but slowly we soldier on even if our thoughts linger.

Maybe you won't hate it too much.

I never thought you’d leave, but I always knew you would.

You were too good for me. That was the plain and simple truth of it all. You were enlightened, kind, and had dealt with a lifetime’s worth of bullshit from yours truly. It had all the ingredients for an unhappy ending. I should have seen it coming before it did.

I guess I didn't want to.

It’s been over a month since I saw you, and it’s probably the last time that we’ll ever meet. I see you in songs that we shared, and every article about equality, regardless of race, gender, or other adjective, brings back your memory. Maybe you gained nothing but heartache from our time together; I hope that isn’t so. But if it is, know your suffering wasn’t in vain. I gained so much from you. You were a guiding light, a central star, and you pulled my life together. I’ll continue to err and lose my way, but my path is a little straighter for your influence I wouldn’t be who I am now if it hadn’t been for you.

I love you, Courtney.

I always knew you’d leave.

I just never wanted you to.